Brown Bettie Knows Best

You, my sister, have seen the lows, you’ve rolled around in the ashes of scorched heartache ready to hang yourself with a wet rope soaked in lonely crocodile tears, and yet no one has applauded you on how well you are doing at doing something wrong. Well, because I’ve been through it too, and because everyone needs a pat on the shoulder, I salute you with these tips that will remind you whole-heartedly that you are doing everything absolutely wrong to find love. I hope these little morsels of loveless encouragement will coax you down from that painful chair of desperation, give you the strength to remove your noose and smile through your snotty haze as you nod and say, “Hey! That’s what I do!”

Ready? Let’s begin. And remember, you are not alone, my dear:

TIP 5: Look for love when what you want is sex
If your engine hasn’t been oiled in awhile, make sure you go out on the prowl looking for love; and then be really shocked when you attract a “good mechanic”.