Showing posts with label butterflies love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label butterflies love. Show all posts

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Brown Betties Guide:Tip #9
Be Happy Being #2…or #3

Is it really so hard to hold out to be his #1? Really? The answer is “Yes”. Sometimes.

How to Look For Love: Tip #9 Be Happy Being #2…or #3

When I lived in New York, my apartment was on 110th and Central Park, which marks the end or the top of Manhattan and the beginning of Harlem. I was “seeing” a boy (note the quote marks) who would have late-night music gigs in Greenwich Village; he would call me from his cab ride home from lower Manhattan on his way home to Harlem. If he took the west side home, his cab would pass my apartment.

As soon as I saw his name on my caller ID, I assumed that he’d already been calling this girl or that girl on his way Uptown …Mya in Soho, Liana in the 40s, Karimah in the 80s and finally, Peppur on 110. I figured that in a way, even though I was actually Girl Number 2, 3, or Number 5, by the time he reached my apartment, I was clearly Girl Number 1 because I was the closest to his home.

Uh, yeah. Get the fuuudge outta here.

While I’d get dressed, rub the sleep out of my eyes and get myself downstairs to wait on the corner for his cab, I felt schizophrenic. One side of me said, ”Girl, get your ass back upstairs” while the other said, “Nooo, I need my engine oiled”. That good girl side knew there were other chicas: this particular Joe was handsome, charismatic, creative…what girl wouldn’t want this guy? (One of those sides shoulda been patting myself on the back for having such good taste!)

I just wanted him to give me some time. Isn’t it better to be one of many instead of zero of none? Who wants to be alone every night watching reruns of “I Love Lucy” while guzzling a jug of screw-top Merlot?? Not me, sister!

I thought, albeit naively, that maybe, if I held on long enough, gave it some time, I’d eventually be his number 1.

Well that never happened. But somehow, in a shitty sorta way, when my number came up, I was happy.

Have you been happy being less than Girl Number 1? (And by happy, I mean “not”. Unless, you actually were! Give us your secret! C'mon...share the wealth :)

Brown Betties Guide book now available on Amazon.com and www.brownbettiesguide.com

Thursday, December 13, 2007

In My Solitude
Poetic offering from Carol Sims aka Bubblin B Suga dated May 10, 2002

AFRAID

I am afraid afraid to feel you
yet I feel you deep down
I am feeling your feelings

I am afraid to let my feelings flow
yet they flood your world

afraid that too much too soon
will be too much kissing and hugging and touching
and looking and oozing and boozing up on love feelings

I can hear you when I'm not listening
and I stop breathing just to listen....
then I shudder because
I can feel you and I am afraid

so afraid that when our eyes meet
I smile fearing that you will feel me too

i am afraid of knowing love again
afraid of the up and down of it all
afraid to be free and
let you catch up with me
and hold me closer than before

I am so afraid oflettingyou
that I've waited for you
all my life and now
you're here
and
I'm speechless at the thought of knowing
you are ready
to keep me

butterflies!!!

afraid to let you go when we part
afraid of those long tight embraces
that will eventually will squeeze

an
I love you
out of me